be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
