Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
