You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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