My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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