i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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