I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
