I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
