Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
