I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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