I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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