my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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