I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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