This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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