Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
