spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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