yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
