you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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