He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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