do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
