I wanna bring you to show and tell
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
