I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
