i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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