I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
