who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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