Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
