Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
