I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
