We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
