I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
