so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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