im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
