How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
