i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize