Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Everything about him screamed your future.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
