would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
