I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
