Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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