I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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