mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
