I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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