We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
