I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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