the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Houston, we have a squirter
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Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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