o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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