no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
