I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
