apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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