True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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