Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
