apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He felt like a one man threesome
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
