Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
