Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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