There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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