Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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