craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
