I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
