This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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