I am in a vortex of obligation.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
