Jerry, you need to find god
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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