gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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