It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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