Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
