1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
