Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
