apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
