ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
