I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
