Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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