i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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