Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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