it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
