Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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