So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
