some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
