I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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