I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize