Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
