Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
