He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
