Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
