I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
